* taps mic *

Dear eCommerce brand,

I emailed you but still ain’t calling
I left my cell number and my home phone at the bottom
Support emails, I sent last week too, you must not-a got ’em
There probably was a problem with your priorities or something
Sometimes these things show customers you’re sloppy once you’ve got em
But anyway, fuck it, what’s been up man, how’s your conscience?
My friends bought from you too, I told them about your products
So has my daughter, and guess what?
None of us got em.
My Uncle Ronnie also wanted to buy them too, I’m sorry
I had to tell him that you don’t care about customers once you got em
I know you probably don’t hear this every day, but I was your biggest fan
I even got the bundle plan that you did with the other brand
I got a room full of products and your samples man
The long delivery times? I dealt with that, that shit was wack.
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
Just to chat,
Truly yours,
Ex-biggest fan,
Cause I feel scammed.

* drops mic *

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